Growing up with two older brothers, I am the last the one who has to decide what I want to with my life, and where I want to take it. Both of my brothers are successful and have to seem to have gained Dad’s approval through their various careers/trades. Shaun is a respected financial advisor at Merrill Lynch; he is also a father-of-two, loving husband and a deacon at his church. Nicholas is on the opposite end of the spectrum, kind of. Nick is a mechanic at Dad’s shop, who I can see taking over the family business one day; Dad’s favorite story of him is when he was younger when Nick took part a transmission and put it back together securing the bloodline of my father’s trade.

Then there is me. I am trying to peer into the future and figure out what will make me the most happy, upon doing so I have came upon the conclusion that I want to go into a declining industry that is trying to reinvent itself to stay afloat and relevant in a new-age, want-it-now generation, and the constant thought that ventures through my mind is, “Will I be great?” This is a question that I ask myself not only because I want to be a success, but I also have this urge since I was 12 to show Dad that I will be the best at whatever I choose to do. Deep-down in my heart I feel like not many will understand this move; a writer… not exactly the expected profession, and also not very inclined to make me a millionaire. The ability to connect with the public through the written word speaks to me; in sports writing we have the ability to inspire others like no other section of the news. A well-written sports column, article, or video can inspire and give hope to the readers by showing the determination of one human-being that can be translated into motivation for another.

This ability to transcend the reader to somewhere beyond the hard-riddled struggles of today’s economy is my ultimate goal. I may never make a million dollars, become the deacon of a church, or be able to put together a transmission flawlessly at the age of 10; but that is okay because the moment I have the heart-warming story that will give at least one person hope I will be happy, and I will feel like nothing else matters.

As the cliché title suggests I have to find my own ‘Wright way’, but in that journey I truly hope to step-up and hear my father say, “I am proud of you.” These five words are important to any boy’s struggle with the upcoming fear of ‘manhood,’ and are equally important to any child’s life. I will continue to fight for my opportunity to becoming the best writer I possibly can be, and within that journey I hope that I can also finally grasp the words I have been looking to hear for so long.

Sometimes I feel useless for everybody, and not needed. The majority of time I feel useless and not needed. I mean most people I know have memorable personalities and looks. I have neither. I am not the nicest, coolest, ect guy on the block and I am no where near the best looking. I do not have any special skills or traits, and I cannot do anything anyone else can. I am average. I hate being average but it is what I am. I wish these thoughts would leave… I wish i would believe people when they say I will make it and I will be successful, but at the same time, I am not being successful.

So what does this have to do with support? If there is someone in your life who means anything to you, call them. Call them and tell them that they can get through this turbulent time in their life. That they can push through the walls that are put in front of them. That if they need you, they know you are there for them. Give them a hug and tell them everything will be OK.

Changes: Tupac

We gotta make a change…
It’s time for us as a people to start makin’ some changes.
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live
and let’s change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

My List: Toby Keith

Go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It’s time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Look up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin’, that’s the next thing on my list

What do these three different genres of music all have in common? Change. Looking out of a looking glass toward the future, changes are bound to happen. Some changes will possibly bring back old faces into my life, some changes will have to deal with my career. Some will be scary, others will not. I am Twenty years old… I am still young, but I feel like it is time to start a new life. It is time to cut ties with some, and build with others. It is time to stop being afraid of looking dumb, being dumb, or scaring someone off.

Sitting with one of my buddies for lunch the other day we were talking about changes and our futures. We are both scared of what we truly want to do, I think this is a common theme among us all. I blame it part on our society, part on our parents but the majority on us. Our society says go out there. Make as much money as you can, for as long as you can, as fast as you can, until you die at a early age… at least your kids will benefit from your hard work. Our parents, for the most part, say our dreams are not always important (not in those words.) Our parents want us to be better than they are, they want us to have more than they do, and most of the time it comes from how much money we make. Then there is ourselves. We are afraid of stepping out and doing what we want. Maybe, in the case of my buddy, it is the fear of moving continents to chase the dream of being a chef, or in my case it is the fear of jumping into a career that I have no training in but my own teachings.

People tell us to go for our dreams. But, we are afraid of flying to close to the sun like Icarus and failing. Our season in the sun is coming. I believe we will all have the changing factor that we can chose to accept or deny. The changing opportunity will come, and maybe, in the case of me and my friend, we need to pick to fly.

Life is like a game of golf. We walk the course trying to figure out how to beat the person next to us. But, what we really should be playing against is ourselves. We have to change our view on who we are playing against. We cannot say we are a success because we are more successful than our neighbors or friends. There is a quote by Bobby Jones that says, “Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course…the space between your ears.” I need to change my outlook on life to this. I need to start playing the game of life not on the course, but with my head. I need to think things though, and like in golf… keep my head down.

“If you’re trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I’ve had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it. ” Michael Jordan

When facing death of a family member is the loneliest time we ever have to face, even though our other family members are going through the same thing. The one that is dieing also may feel alone, but weep not for them; weep for the family of the lost one because they are the ones that have to deal with the pain and sorrow left behind. We can either become stronger, or weaker. We can become closer to our family, or push ourselves further away. Sometimes things stay the same. . . I lied on that statement, things never stay the same. Something is constantly changing, and people are constantly changing. When faced with this loss all we can count on to get us through is ourselves. People around us can help, and they can comfort us. But at the end of the day, we are the ones who have to commit to overcoming this lost; we are the ones that have to do the soul searching and figure out how to deal with the lost.

We have to be thankful for those people who are there for us whenever we are in need. We also have to be thankful for those memories that we share with each other. There are different times in life where people say, “this will be the best time of your life.” My whole life better be the best time of my life, and even though sometimes we don’t choose the right direction to go, or always do the upstanding thing; we will always be loved by someone somewhere.

As I am closing out this rant we must remember one small detail. Out of 6,798,918,316 people in the world, there is at least one other person out in the vastness of our planet that needs us, and that cares for us.

I can honestly say it is hard to stand up for what we believe in. To ruin a friendship for our morals, fore I have done just that. We cannot always stay with the friends who we have had in the past. Sometimes it is time to move on. Sometimes we have to pack up and just leave.

So I leave you with this,

“Are right and wrong convertible terms, dependant upon popular opinion?”  ~William Lloyd Garrison

Why do I want to become a lawyer? Honestly? It is for the money. I can make serious money doing this.  I mean granted, I do like to arguing and I can work hard if I am passionate about it so I guess those add to it. But, let’s face it. I am doing this career for money. This career where for the first 2-5 years I will probably be working 60-80 hours a week, and hating the majority of it. I will love it though. Let me explain, if I can sacrifice enough so that when I get married I can support my wife. I know I could support a family with things I would be “happy” at, but I’d much rather be making mad money and then eventually go back to a law school after i’m successful and teach. Anyways, if I could afford for my wifey to stay at home (if she wanted to of course) to stay with the kids (whom seem like a long way off) then that would make me insanely happy. I can sacrifice for the woman and kids that I will love.

Why law? Why not something else like medicine or something else you can make money in? Law is the only thing I am decent at. I have a good memory and I like to talk when you get to know me. I also enjoy public speaking. I work better alone, but love being around people. And it all goes back to family. If I can make six figures by the time i’m 25 then it will be easier to get married, and have children. We all know this. We grew up getting what we needed and somethings we wanted. We were never without, Dad also worked like hell late into the nights. He would come home, eat with us, then go back to work. He has became a very successful automotive repair shop owner. I want to show that I am good enough, and that I will make it. My family has always been about supporting each other and working hard. The American Dream. I want the American Dream. I want the wife, I want the kid, I want the dog.

But, even as I write this I know I have people who support me. I have people there who no matter what it seems is there for me, and I hope they know that I am there for them. I haven’t know the people I know I can count on for that long even. The people who it seems I can count on no matter what time of day it is, I have known from a couple months to a few weeks. These are the people who we know that in our 80s we will still all be friends.  These are the people we are excited for me staying near Atlanta. One day we may all move off away from each other, but we will always have this time right now.

So, as I still stare at my lsat book with a blank face getting ready to light it on fire. It is time to get back to work, it is time to figure out a lot of things that I have been wondering about.

We are the ones that we must make happy. If our personalities can shine out enough to make someone else happy then that is what we need to do. I believe that there is someone out there who will see past our faults, our disappointments, and our craziness (for lack of better words.) When we find this person, I must believe that we will know.  I don’t think there is love at first sight. I think it takes a time to be in love. Love isn’t attraction, I believe that love is the ability to know the other persons fault and not care. You get over the faults and you still want to be next to them as much as possible.

“We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.”

What is a Southern Gentlemen? It is something we need more of. It is a rare breed that is on the verge of going into extinction. It is the act of constantly being chivalrous. Opening doors, bringing flowers for no reason, paying for the girls dates, not wanting to get into a girls pants, and most importantly, a pure and genuine respect for the girl you like. Let’s also not forget about the ability to stand up for the girl of your dreams.

The lack of this kindness is highly irritating. Being raised on respect and love, watching people show disrespect of a girl who one says they are “into” or “like” is appalling. Their ideas of courtship, romance, and relationships are wrong. Romance is the key to being a southern gentlemen.

Having always been called a Romantic. I can say it is not always easy. The hardest part is finding the thin line of respect and showing a girl you like her. It’s hard to overcome the wish for the perfect kiss. The romantic kiss where a girl throws her leg behind her underneath a lamp pole, in the middle of the rain while Michael Buble is playing in the background. (I watch way to many romantic movies….)  It never seems to work out that way, but in my mind thats the way it should be. Ok, may not just like that, but it should be romantic. Every guy should want their first kiss with a girl to mean something. Every guy should be a romantic. Is that to bold of a statement? That every guy should be a romantic? Maybe it is… Let’s think about it… if every guy were to respect the girls they like, or once liked then the world would have less drama and more love.

Now I am not saying I am the best person in the world. I have done the things I say guys should not do in the past. I have not always been a gentleman or gone quietly into the night. I have tried to try my best. Some people will call me a girl, some will calle me lame, some even have the audacity to say it is not worth being a romantic. I have to disagree. Even through all of the heartache, and all the pain. There is joy. It is worth every minute, and every ounce of discomfort. Because in the end when that first kiss is special to both people, then all pain goes away. That one special kiss… makes one’s life feel meaningful. All in all…. I am proud to be called a Southern Gentlemen.

Maybe I am putting to much on this simple act of endearment, but why not? Why can’t this be the ultimate way of showing that you care for someone? Just holding their hand in public says “We are with each other… and we are happy.” Everyone knows when they see a old couple walking down the street hand in hand, everyone always says “Aww, thats cute” or something along those lines. It shows that after all of the years they have been together they still say “We are with each other…and we are happy.”

So at this stage in my life why can I not wish for that sign of affection from whom ever I may end up with?  Why can I not want the feeling of  joy that it bring? I refuse to be “manly” and not want to hold hands… I can only hope that the person is out there who will grab my hand and think to herself, “We are with each other…. and we are happy.”